Troubles Abloom

Growing up, I have had to face challenges that have been thrown at me; some thrown with a resulting pain similar to that of a dagger, and others as soft as a baby’s slap. My early childhood was one of utter happiness. Happiness in the form of a loving mother, the strong grasps of hugs from my father, and the innocence that is present in a child’s mind. However, this perfect family and mindset on life soon came to an end as all things beautiful eventually do. During the end of fourth grade, my family moved to Orlando where I was forced to make new friends, which was not an easy thing to do for a plus-sized, young girl with low self-esteem. Every thought that came to my mind was one of paranoia; I believed that everyone hated me and was repulsed by my presence. I overcame this in the years that proceeded, but to this very day, there is still a part of me that lingers in the shadows of my yesterday, pondering of whether I am sufficient. Bullying is considered to be scarring, and it is just that: a scar; it stays with you forever, having healed the wounded flesh beneath. Even though it took an emotional toll, it created a stronger girl who grew up to be a woman with high self-esteem and self-worth; I now realize that others’ words are just words and that the effect those words have on me depends on the importance I give them. In sixth grade, I was told of my father’s infidelity; the source of pain contributing to the depression that lingered in my mother’s thoughts, which resulted in her downfall. During this time, she tried freeing herself from the pain through various small orange vessels that lied empty near her nightstand; however, she ceased to find the comfort she longed for. After recovery, she seemed to be getting better, and I began to see a glimpse of happiness once again, but as all things beautiful usually end, so did my mother’s improvement. After a year of seeing my mother happy, I awoke to the reality that hid behind her façade; a woman crushed and pummeled by the effects of a psychological malady. On Wednesday, March 18, 2015, after coming home from school, I was greeted by a spiritless body defined with a facial expression that screamed and cried for help. As her passing haunted me for months, I began to materialize another scar upon my subconscious; this one bigger and more expansive than the last. I eventually learned to accept my loss and learn from the inevitable effects that result from self-inflicted thoughts; in the outcome of this tragedy, I came out a more resilient and enlightened individual, who focuses on enjoying life and the moments that come with it. I have come to realize that life is not restricted to just one concept; life is a concept within itself that varies with each person. The concept I choose to determine my life is one of enjoyment; I choose to enjoy the little moments: the laughter I share with others, the stars that illuminate the night sky, the weird shapes that clouds form, and the smiles on others faces; as well as the big moments: getting accepted into college, getting married, and becoming CEO of an architectural firm. I did not tell you my story to receive pity; instead, I chose to tell you my story because I am proud of the person I have become, shaped in every which way by the hurdles I overcame and the lessons I learned. Improvement is yet to come with future experiences and obstacles; I still have around 88% of my life to live and in that time I will continue to grow wiser, for after every beautiful thing that comes to an end helps another beautiful thing blossom.

Jennifer Fleites is a future architecture student at the University of Washington in St.Louis. She established her own food bank and started her own freelance photography business. She wishes nothing more than for others to appreciate their worth and strive for their best selves.