The Words That Go Unspoken

Each day that I live with my chronic pain and my mental health issues, many words go unspoken. I know that I am not alone in this. Words stay dormant, squashed beneath my tongue. Words like ‘unbearable’, ‘excruciating’, ‘terrifying’, ‘overwhelming’; all excluded from my vocabulary.

I am feeling really sad and frustrated and lonely today.

I was raised being told that words are powerful, that words can hurt, they’re weapons that shouldn’t be used lightly. Words can hold incredible meaning, they can be used to degrade people, destroy people, destroy families, the world.

I am in excruciating pain. I can’t handle this anymore.

There are so many things that those living with chronic pain or mental health issues just don’t say. They remain unsaid because of the impact of the words, the impact of being vulnerable and letting others be affected by our experiences. Take a moment, think over the past week and try and remember if you have felt sad or anxious or in physical pain, but didn’t share it with someone because you didn’t want to affect them. What have you kept to yourself because you didn’t want to burden someone?

I’m terrified of the future and what’s going to happen to me.

Maybe an instance came to your mind, maybe a few did. Maybe you thought of dozens of times over the past month when you were in some sort of pain and could’ve used some support. While it can be scary and vulnerable to open up and actually put words to your pain and struggles, the effects of actually doing so are numerous.

I feel like someone poured a bucket of ants all over me; I’m crawling out of my own skin tonight.

Yes, when you speak up about something more vulnerable, you open yourself up to the possibility of an awkward or hurtful response. Yes, dealing with a more difficult or unexpected response would be hard, but you cannot predict the response you’ll get.

I don’t want to be alone today. I’m drowning inside my own mind.

What if instead of being stuck in your head about that meeting that is causing so much anxiety you told someone? What if instead of being alone with it, someone could help? When you speak to your experiences you gain the possibility of receiving support or advice. You won’t be along in your struggles. Human beings are not wired to be lone wolves. We crave the support of a tribe; crave others to surround us; we crave support.

You know, I actually find that joke offensive. I’d really appreciate if you could refrain from making jokes about eating disorders around me.

So why not? Why not give voice to your truth? You cannot go through life alone, at least not forever. We crave and need the companion and support of others; so let yourself be open to it. Let yourself receive the support that you deserve.

You don’t need to be alone in your pain.

Kylee lives in Seattle and is a true Pacific Northwest girl at heart; working at a tech recruiting firm and in her free time enjoying hiking, yoga, running and exploring the plentiful local coffee shops around the city. Her writing encompasses her mental health struggles with an eating disorder, anxiety, and depression, as well as her physical disability and chronic pain. You can find her work on her own blog, Coffee and Reflections, as well as on sites like The Mighty and MCXV.